CrowGirl vs. Disney: The First in an Occasional Series

So Disney is going to decide Star Wars canon.

I don’t know about you, but I thought the canon was doing pretty well on its (more or less) own.

Leaving aside books, graphic novels, and games for a minute, lets just think about the movies. Yes, there are disagreements about the prequel trilogy but, really, do they matter that much? The films Disney is threaten—I  mean, promising us are sequels from Jedi not Sith, so those of us who wish to forget them can and those of us who revelled in the angst can continue to revel.

Deciding on the canon. Those are words which should chill your soul, I feel, if it isn’t already frozen solid at the prospect of Disney taking over Star Wars.

Just think with me for a minute about what that means, okay? That means the company responsible for Belle, Aurora, and Ariel is now in charge of Leia. The company that created the “Amazing Interchangeable Prince” (seriously, can you honestly remember any of their names? did they have names?) now has Luke. And the company that made up the timeless meerkat/bush pig duo, the singing mice, and a faintly Jamaican crab are in charge of not only Han in sidekick mode but Threepio and Artoo.

I can only imagine with a kind of strangling horror what will happen to the Falcon. Tell me that if it starts to talk, at least it will be voiced by Alan Tudyk and be incredibly profane.

I don’t know about you, but all that’s enough to give me the shivers. But at the very least no-one will be able to complain about JarJar’s accent ever again because, hey! Disney has so much worse. The crows in Dumbo? Yeah, ‘nough said.

I can only feel that we’re headed for something Christmas Special terrible here, folks.

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One thought on “CrowGirl vs. Disney: The First in an Occasional Series

  1. I am also filled with resentment and bitterness and deep skepticism towards Disney, and I look forward with anticipatory glee to your scathing remarks on the topic.

    I’m also filled with weapons-grade disenchantment towards George Lucas, so I’m not as convinced as you are that Disney will do much worse with the franchise than he did, but I am open to persuasive arguments.

    In short, bring it! I have popcorn.

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